LOS ANGELES — Inclusivity awareness goes beyond the limits of gender and race to include as many layers as there are people in the world. Looking how this can be applied in the adult retail industry is what last week’s Retail Inclusivity panel was determined to tackle.
Moderated by Nenna Joiner from adult retail boutique Feelmore510, the panel included Raven Faber, founder and CEO of EngErotics; Josh Ortiz from XR Brands; Andy Duran, education director of the nationwide chain Good Vibrations; and Carly S., from online seller Spectrum Boutique.
Together, they represented almost 50 years in many facets of the pleasure products industry and their own personal stories of bringing diversity into the adult market world.
Carly shared how Spectrum Boutique is amazing to work with because they keep their products gender-neutral and explain how they can be used as opposed to who they are meant for. “Stop gendering your websites,” Carly pleaded at the beginning of the panel. “Many websites are alienating customers when they show what might work for their bodies but limiting their pleasure. Toys are inanimate objects, with no gender or sexuality. The question should be asked “What is this tool for? Function and sensation should be stressed as most toys can be used for anyone.” Carly’s position includes posting products to the website, writing the description and including notes of what she would say if she were in the store with them. “We are education and gender neutral-based, making pleasure accessible for everyone.”
Duran suggested that when working inside a shop, “you see some of the things that other people see as being racially inclusive in your business, both online and in brick-and-mortar. When coming into the shop, look at the packaging, which is super important whether it is based on race as most are white and porn star folks.” He suggested to think, “Is this something I can use or reflects my identity or culture? I don’t see that on the packaging. Also, do you see yourself reflected in the staff and the culture of the staff and in the culture of the company?” Everyone on the panel could relate to those thoughts.
Ortiz proudly stated he is one of the only trans persons on the manufacturing side, so if that’s considered, then the industry is within this context. “We’ve been doing a lot of sex-ed on social media platforms since we’re not on the road and it’s opened more, now that we’re teaching the general public.” He continued, “My goal is to make inclusive sex education, gender-affirming, identity-affirming, sexuality-affirming, basically, sex-ed for anyone who wants it. They tune into my sessions on IG and FB, and we have strived to create a shame-free and judgement-free zone.”
Faber was the most animated when talking about racial inclusion. “As a brown person, what do I see that’s missing? Where do I start? All the times I’ve walked into a retail store and they haven’t seen me: I’m brown, have two kids, and we’re glorifying the white standard of beauty: historically cis-gendered, white, airbrushed, tits aren’t up here anymore, the titties landed where they landed! That’s not marketed as sexy. With EngErotics, our clients are mommas, minorities, disabilities, trans, or maybe born with a deformity. When you walk into a sex shop, they’re not represented because they’re not sexy, whether you’re in a wheelchair, brown, and so on, it doesn’t mean you don’t have needs or don’t want to feel seen.”
Joiner brought up that many company reps travel around the country doing training and visiting stores. She specifically asked Ortiz about starting conversations in different areas of the country in regard to racial inclusivity.
Ortiz responded, “I go around stores first to see how people of color are displayed. Is it in a fetish section, if it’s a trans item, is it in a ‘token’ section? I have found that in more of the southern part of the country, there are a lot more ‘colored’ items in the fetish section, not in the ‘regular’ dildos, with trans items in the fetish section, and not integrated with regular product. I know we can do better, we must do better with packaging, especially. Representation matters! In Portland and in Nenna’s store, in San Francisco, I’m floored. It’s very different because you feel so warm and welcome with gender, colors, etc.” He continued, “In Alabama or Louisiana or Tennessee, you feel like you’re in a gay white store or in a white couples’ boutique. Open up conversation with the store that it’s not just white folks who enjoy pleasure!”
He mentioned that as soon as he’s been able to tackle the topic as a person of color, can tell them, “We love kinky shit, we love experiencing different toys but it’s really disheartening to see a white, thin person thought of as the media standard of beauty. I am not that because I am a male-identifying person but I have hips; I don’t fit into male things.” He feels it is so important for stores to be held accountable and point out, “Hey, your Buck Angel things are in fetish gear and maybe bring it where it belongs in mainstream.”
Duran spoke passionately about when it comes to staffing and management, the stores should be a reflection of the company. “Look around: are there women, POC, marginalized communities represented in the room, making decisions, or part of the hiring process? You may have all the intentions, but without hiring POC, disabled, with skills and abilities or making these spaces, are you really taking these into account? I have had opportunities to climb up the ladder, and that helps to bring people into positions of power. I’m at a place where I can be a dude with a ‘fro talking about sex education and I’m on the panel with people that can influence the word.”
Joiner felt strongly about retail inclusivity. “Racial is one aspect. Body positivity, gender identity, sexual expression, political expression [are others.]” Asking the panelists, she queried, “How do you support expanding your market to infuse politics so people want to know where their dollars are going?”
Carly mentioned how Zoë Ligon is the face of the company. “Allowing the platform to make spaces to post articles about how pleasure is political and let marginalized voices talk about politics and letting them talk about that narrative. Let POC, trans, disabled, speak for themselves.” She continued, “After the murder of George Floyd, black people started to shop and buy in black-owned business. We have a large platform we like to share with folks of color. Everyone has been very welcoming to share other companies that need visibility. We have a list of black-owned businesses and add folks that are creating toys, or anything that will support sexual health. Really, it’s a matter to have them amplify their voices.”
An audience member asked about cultural “macho” issues when men feel like they are going to be replaced by a toy. Others felt it was an example of “hyper masculinity” which is brought on with cultural history.
Ortiz shared, “It’s not necessarily toxic but what you’ve been taught by family. Breach by conversation with the men so they know they’re not being replaced, but it’s enhancement. By normalizing conversation around solo and mutual masturbation, they get to have little say as they watch their partner later. If we can normalize masturbation as an enhancement for us to feel better and if they can see that, it’s enough.”
Joiner asked the panel to share examples of packaging that stands for inclusivity. She immediately mentioned the Cute Little Fuckers line of toys, which are made by artists and “really impacts the design of their toys. They’re queer artists and it’s a toy; it’s an inanimate object, not any one gender. They give examples where the toy can be used, in all different sizes and shadings of bodies. There are pronouns on the side of their packaging — everything on there is a representation that sex is fun, toys are fun, lots of people are fun.”
Carly suggested what a new retail store should do. “Start with all skin tones right off the bat. Offer size-inclusive harnesses, lingerie, etc. for a wide range of budgets, skin tones, sizes and abilities. Think of a range of people and costs and fits.”
Duran stressed that how to talk about who you are as a person bleeds over in your business.
“Companies are testing the waters with COVID, showing humanization of their companies, showing posts after the George Floyd protests,” he said. “I never show my face on the Good Vibrations social media account, even though I am the person that runs this account. But I feel it’s important to start to let your customers see what you are about. Everyone is going to assume that there’s a Jeff Bezos at the end of it and nobody wants to support that.”
Carly feels that sex toys can be healing and life-changing for people and are all about self-care. Her hope for the future is that the standard includes size, budget, skin tone, fantasy color are inclusive. The future is more mindful thinking of the needs of the customer instead of being reactive.
According to Ortiz, the future of adult retail looks like “who you’re looking at right now!
“My role with manufacturing, is that I’m forcing the hand to look at the end consumer,” he said. “If my face is associated with it, I want it accommodating for all skin types. We used to say ‘male bodied and female bodied’ and now we say ‘penis owners and vulva owners.’”
Faber encouraged everyone to leave stereotypes behind.
“Crass, rude, typical, tired of people thinking ‘this must be what it’s like to be with someone trans, Asian, Black, etc.’,” she said. “I’ve been told ‘You’re so well-spoken for a black woman,’ like we’re monolithic. We’re leaving these racist tropes in the past.”
The panel ended on a high note, knowing they each conveyed their experiences, thoughts and demands for a better environment for inclusivity in the adult pleasure products industry. With Joiner as the superlative moderator, she felt that a lot of racial inclusivity rested on “talking to our local officials to influence the outside mindset that comes into our stores. If we can’t get local policies to support trans people, be different on policing, where we put our stores, it won’t matter. Be sure to continue to be your local person for your community and Happy 2021!”