As DomCon attendees packed up their paddles and checked out of the LAX Hilton following a long weekend of play parties, classes, and high-impact reunions with old friends, it was easy to tell who was there for the 23rd year of LA’s premier BDSM gathering and who was a business traveler from Cleveland who happened to be in the weird place at the right time.
“Must be the sex show,” one Bluetooth earpiece-sporting onlooker said, perhaps wistfully, to his companion.
Walking by were two supremely confident women, opposites in nearly every way – one older, one younger, one taller, one shorter – both striking as hell, trailing suitcases with enough bondage gear to raise eyebrows at TSA. The faint smell of the baby powder they’d used to ease the removal of their latex (and the oil they’d used to shine it up) trailed close behind.
Hearing the man’s comment, the taller woman replied, “Yup,” and kept walking. She was Lady E, a dominatrix from Texas who has been coming to DomCons in LA, New Orleans, and Atlanta for 15 years. At 49, she’s toned like someone a third her age.
“It’s where I meet friends, clients, friends-who-are-clients, and colleagues,” she says while waiting for the airport shuttle. A few scattered kinky people chat nearby, loudly recounting aspects of the previous night’s play party in the La Jolla Ballroom on the second floor. “I met a domme I’m going to work with the next time she comes through Houston,” Lady E says.
Moments later, the shuttle pulls up and a Slap (that is their collective term) of kinksters heads to the airport, soon to consensually put what they’ve learned into practice across the country.
From the Dungeon to the Convention Hall
For more than two decades, DomCon has served as both a gathering place and a professional resource for the BDSM community, bringing together everyone from veteran dominatrices and educators to curious newcomers looking to learn about the lifestyle.
“When I first came up with the concept of DomCon, no one thought that it would work,” admits Mistress Cyan, who launched the event in Los Angeles in April 2004.
She is not coy about the perceived competition between dommes, considering that, at the time, they often operated in secret and their clientele might have been more stigmatized.
“Many dommes went to jail for what they did,” she says. “Or they had been ripped off. Furthermore, they were competitive – everyone would try to one-up each other.”
But despite the challenges, it worked and it grew.
“From the beginning, we had classes where pros and amateurs could learn things from other pros,” Cyan recalls.
The educational component remains a cornerstone of the event. This year’s expanded class lineup featured classes on Tax Basics for Dominatrices, The Art of Branding Your Dominatrix Empire, FinDom 101 (including suggestions about navigating findom after the client’s death), Bullwhip Basics, and Sub-Space Theory, among others.
“Pro-Dommes come from all over the country to teach,” says Cyan. “They are not hobbyists.”
Like many corners of the adult industry, BDSM may be rooted in personal passion, but it is also a profession. Behind the leather and latex are many real concerns like safety, local statutes, marketing and finance, art, and personal/commercial relationships that go far deeper than what the average person has with their insurance agent.
Looking back, Cyan sees a clear thread connecting today’s attendees with those who gathered at the first DomCon more than 20 years ago.
“We spread the word through Yahoo Groups back then, and now we can afford radio ads,” she marvels, noting that one thing remains unchanged. “Then to now, we attract very genuine people.”
The Hall of Kink
Despite its roots in the professional dominatrix community, DomCon attracts a much broader crowd than outsiders might expect.
The LAX Hilton hosted curious couples, furries, Latex Barbies, submissive men, OnlyFans models, sex educators, and hundreds of members of the local fetish scene there for parties and the type of expensive, multi-level underground parking one can’t find in the San Fernando Valley. Many attendees wandered the convention rooms dressed in business casual with hardly a hint of their pervy side. One woman riding the escalator up to the lobby floor made sure to take off her devil horns lest she alarm any civilians.
The community gathered at DomCon reflects a diversity that often looks more like America than its porn counterpart.
Inside the “Hall of Kink,” a vendor marketplace featuring more than 70 exhibitors, couples in their 60s held hands while browsing alongside UCLA students, while proud cholitas in boots, nonbinary polycules, women dressed as fairies, and shoppers browsed a comprehensive array of implements, apparel, and jewelry.
Among the booths was leather shop House of the Rabbit, based in Albuquerque. Like many vendors from western cities like Denver, Fresno, and Seattle, House of the Rabbit owner Justin Jackson drove to LA with his truck full of harnesses, vests, braces, and solid, intricately made leather masks.
“This one can support 290 pounds,” Jackson said, holding up a sturdy piece of fetish apparel festooned with heavy rings. “My buddy’s going to take it mountain climbing.”
But Jackson’s most enthusiastic clientele includes what he calls “Good strippers.”
Jackson believes his store might be the only black-owned “adult” leather store in America and praises Albuquerque for its low-down, squalid nature.
“Places like Albuquerque have the best strippers,” he says, pointing out some no-nonsense stripper gear. “They mean business, wearing something like this.”
He credits part of that culture to a local environment where people are generally left alone, even if their work falls outside the box.
“If you see someone pulled over on the highway in Albuquerque,” Jackson says, “you know they did some shit. I’ve been doing 90 and the cops would just pass me.”
At the end of the next aisle was Seattle-based Sound Kink, featuring a beautiful display of handcrafted and hand-turned wooden dildos, canes, and other striking toys. Representative of DomCon’s evolving nature, the Sound Kink booth drew some confusion.
“Oh, they mean Puget Sound,” one woman said. “I thought it was a urethral sound.”
In BDSM circles, “sounding” refers to the insertion of steel rods into the urethra, though both interpretations would likely find an audience at DomCon.
“20 years ago it was spanking, flogging, foot worship, CBT (cock and ball torture),” she says. “Now the classes are a lot edgier, even if the old favorites are still here. Fireplay, electroplay, and even liquid nitrogen – that’s expensive!”
Nearby, a vendor specializing in industrial-strength harnesses sizes up Erin, a visitor from Lodi, CA.
“What’s your cup size?” asks the vendor, who clearly enjoys the unique customer service opportunities his profession provides.
“Double F,” Erin responds.
“We can set you up with a cross-hatch pattern that’ll lift them, separate them, and support them,” he says. “All leather. You’ll feel amazing.”
“I’ll think about it,” Erin says, before continuing down the aisle, passing two women dressed as puppies taking photos of each other.
The Kinksters Who Paved the Way
Mistress Cyan is well aware that generational tensions can sometimes surface within the kink community. While she approaches the topic diplomatically, she acknowledges ongoing conversations about experience and credibility in the age of “Instadommes”—influencers who look good in the outfits but lack the years of experience older dommes have accumulated.
“One difference between the porn world and the fetish world is that a porn performer might work for five years or less, on average. That might be her career, and then she leaves,” Cyan observes. “A domme might work for 30 years and people come to her for advice. I get how older dommes might get grouchy if they sense that a young person hasn’t done the work, but we are here to teach the next generation.”
Cyan is adamant that, in this space of the adult industry, experience is respected and experience pays.
“Clients come to the same domme for decades,” she says. “The relationships are genuine. When a younger domme comes here and is curious, she meets the people who paved the way before the Internet.”
One example of the fetish world’s appreciation of its own history is the Kink Wall of Fame, which occupies a large corner of the vendors’ area. Part museum exhibit and part community scrapbook, the display traces key milestones in BDSM and alternative lifestyle culture, from the Stonewall Riots to the opening of beloved LA BDSM club Passive Arts, to kink-aware mainstream crossover moments like “Secretary” and the controversial phenomenon “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Finding Your People
Of course, no discussion of DomCon would be complete without mentioning its legendary play parties.
While photography and recording were strictly prohibited, the sounds of slapping, flogging, thudding, and here and there a caterwaul echoed down the Hilton’s carpeted hallways, far enough from the elevators to spare unsuspecting hotel guests – despite “DomCon Play Party” being clearly listed on the digital event display.
Inside the La Jolla Ballroom, guests sporting special bracelets drifted between scenes, pausing to admire what a well-aimed wooden paddle does to an expanse of ass cheek. Small groups chatted above the thumping DJ set, only pausing to watch a domme deliver a well-placed slap. After a punishing session, she would gently massage the affected area.
Throughout the evening, every smack, sting, and thud was followed by attentive aftercare.
There is no single path into the kink community. People arrive as curious newcomers, seasoned practitioners, educators, performers, and enthusiasts, often sharing the same spaces. At DomCon, identity is frequently expressed through clothing and gear, turning fashion into a kind of shorthand for community and connection.
“I enjoy the confidence boost of leather,” says Eitra, a model for Fresno-based Bitches Love Leather. “The feel and scent of leather warm and tight against your skin is a constant reminder that you are wearing something beautiful and sexy. It’s like someone whispering in your ear, ‘You’re hot as fuck, and you need to let the world know it, babe!’”
Cyan, wielding decades of data on both leather and inclusivity, agrees.
“Two leathermen came up to me and said they’d been in the scene for 40 years but hadn’t been to a public event where they felt so accepted, and where people were so nice,” she says.
Eitra agrees, as she slaps a leather cuff on a customer to see how it fits.
“There is a sense of connection at DomCon that makes it easy to strike up a conversation and meet a new friend,” she says. “You know you have at least one thing in common, and often there is at least one gorgeous accessory or outfit that you can talk about as an opener. I just met a lovely person who bottoms professionally for porn, and we bonded over our mutual passion for pegging.”
The Kink-Spansion
DomCon has expanded well beyond Los Angeles, with events now held in Sydney, Australia, and London, England, but Cyan notes that the annual fall DomCon in New Orleans has developed its own personality.
“While the structure is the same as DomCon LA, New Orleans is more of a grassroots affair,” she says.
As the convention comes to a close, Cyan is already looking ahead. Battling a head cold and running on little sleep after a busy weekend, she plans to recover “for a minute” before turning her attention to West Hollywood Pride, where she serves as a board member.
She reflects on years of growing the DomCon brand and reconciling the safety and longevity of this lifestyle with educating an often-suspicious public.
“Welcome to the freak show,” she says. “We’re not serial killers.”
